Showing posts with label Softball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Softball. Show all posts

Friday, July 10, 2009

wow! a post! it's true!

i almost couldn't remember how to do this!

here's my explanation.

ie, "where the hell have i been," "why the hell haven't i been here," "who the hell do i think i am not being here?"

otherwise known as "the answers to dapoppins's questions"

well, first, there was that whole saving children from the inferno thing. i was a real hero that day.

then, of course, i was at a world peace conference. they listened to *none* of my ideas. particularly iran. they just would not listen to a thing i said. i said 'stop being so jerky.' they said 'no! die american!'*

after that it was off to convince a certain someone NOT to take their own life. mostly because i didn't want to listen to their songs over and over again until the end of time. well, we all know how *that* went.

after two items of failure, it was time to lay low for awhile. i needed to properly grieve.

i'll always remember farrah.





i'll always remember ed.






i'll always remember billy.





and the rest.






okay okay okay maybe i haven't been doing any of those things. if you want the 'where the hell have i been', here are the highlights:

first i had a book to do pictures for because i was presenting it to some children, allegedly, and then it turned out that only six children showed up.
i'm not bitter about that because HEY! all the pictures are done! but then i had to print the friggers off, after some photoshop touch-ups. i did an AMAZING job of getting two really polished packages off to agents. i know it was good because i got VERY FAST responses from them. both were no. one, though, said 'your ideas made me smile'.

yay. i am glad you smiled. hey, you know, your smiling would mean more if you could PUBLISH ME!!!

then there was a competition, the link of which will be available after i post this. results aren't available on that until next week. LONGEST.FORTNIGHT.EVER.

and in the meantime i have been playing softball because i missed it sooo sooo much. BUT the captain of the team went on holiday, so i said i would look after the team for him. this is something i don't think i ever want to do again without also having a very painful bikini wax just for fun.

sharkgirl was one of the main characters in a production of "the golden age of chocolate," otherwise known as 'the school's version of "charlie and the chocolate factory." i was EXTREMELY proud of her. i almost didn't notice my butt hurting from sitting in that chair for two hours. almost.

AAAANNND just because i thought somehow i had time for it, i agreed to do a website for my brother. i can do websites. static, functional websites. the one HE wants is done in FLASH!

ohmybobi'mtired!



and what did all that get me? a whole lot of pain.

just look at all my pains :



in particular, i have huge pains in my buttock-al region...



both sides! this cheek is mainly doin' sympathy pains. that i can do without!



so THAT pretty much sums up what's been going on.

oh wait...i also watched the whole first and second seasons of dexter, to prepare for the third. which i'm now two episodes behind on, because of aforementioned "stuff".

NEXT : i am soooo giving mother nature a good kick up the backside. she has been...what's the word? a beotch.

* = this is of course untrue. just had to make sure it was clear.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

heavy objects i have been trapped beneath recently

a reader writes...



"Dearest Zerilda,

ZERILDA!!! i demand to know where you've been! i am sitting here, waiting for you to post. do you not respect *my* time? some blogger YOU are. i RUE the day i discovered your blog. furthermore, the drivel you left me with before you left was completely unacceptable, of a standard unbefitting a neanderthal, and made me a little bit sick on my happy meal. you'd better kick it up a notch, or i am going to stop sitting here.

TAKE NOTE!

Sincerely,
Your loving mother"

i was truly moved by this heart-warming letter, and my only response is, yes, you are right. you *were* sick on your happy meal. that is unfortunate.

but wait! it's not that i don't completely care about all that time spent waiting for me to entertain and/or amuse and/or distract you from your toenail-clipping duties.

it's TRULY that i have been gallivanting. to belfast!

i have had children on my own. for 10 days. which left me realizing how much i do not want them on my own for a longer period of time...

i have been creating! a presentation for a book reading! and that is where our tale of what-the-he11 have you been starts.

you see,

...there i was there i was there i was...

performing.

[and discovering i am NOT the only :
-female
-american
-comedienne
in cardiff!

oh yes...two of us were on the same lineup!]

when my good friend says "you should read your stories at the library..."

and i thought what a heck of an idea! but i'm at borders all the time. i would like to do it there. they OWE me for all those books i bought.

OWE



so i asked them. they were very happy to let me come in. i'll be doing it towards the end of may.

BUT... BUT... BUT...

as much as i like spinning stories for the kiddies...

illustrate...


...i do not



SO! plan b = clay rats! [story the first is about pie rats!]

i absolutely love love love super soft clay



who knew?



it turns out i am not clay-ically inclined, either:



on their own, they suck a bit! boy howdy is it awful!

but as a large GROUP OF RODENTS....



not too dang bad! it's the psychology of vision or something. your eye doesn't pay attention to crappy detail, it looks at the beautiful forest for the trees! unless you think they're still crappy, then that theory really falls flat...

and now, for the pies! i only have a few made. i need to make many Many MANY more -- this week!



i need
- berry pies
- banana pies
- cow pies

thank BOB for play-doh moulds!

and on hand for seasoning...

a gift from mielikki!!!



and these chicks are just waiting to see what i'm going to do with them...





...oh and i forgot to mention, i joined a softball team (home runs! pitching!)

...and got suckered intostarted taking tennis lessons after signing daughter up for same. (wow. after 20 years of not doing it, i really sucked the first session!)

i will endeavor to try-to-try to keep poking my nose into blogland in the meantime... i miss it...
so much...

oh AND my boy is four tomorrow. thank BOB he's a boy. the girl would be *put* *out* knowing i hadn't really prepared for it. . .

who needs sleep, really...?

stay tuned...you will see my gorgeous new shoes. I KNOW!!!

I KNOW!!!