Qrazy Question Qsunday-ish

I am well aware that it is Monday.

But Facebook stole some time from me yesterday. Facebook - specifically a dude I did not want to talk to - kept me up. Let's ignore for a moment that I could have said "dude, stop bothering me, I have crap to do!" or "dude, stop bothering me, it's 1 am and I'm NOT up to talk to you!" I'm saying it now, in retrospect.

BUT! NEVERMIND THAT! I have another Pocket-blogger induction.


Last week's induction - Camikaos

This week, I am inducting

a very CRANKYPANTSISH woman

.



Zerilda : Okay, first question, um, who is the most deserving of a smacking, IYHO among the following : Tom Cruise, Madonna, Jacko, and um...Simon Cowell?

Sybil : Oh shit I hate to choose. Simon is the least deserving... they should all get a nice group smacking. With both hands.



Zerilda : NIIICe. Okay next question. What is your preferred method of punishment: rhubarb, rusty knife, golf club, or sharp ice cube?

Sybil : Rusty knife, for sure

I like to get dirty.

Zerilda : Yeah, I get that...

Sybil : Golf club is nice, too

Zerilda : Have you ever punched anyone in real life

Sybil : Yes

Zerilda : What was their crime? Were you impeding her way to the cous cous, or was she just ape-sh1t nuts?

Sybil : She attacked me out of nowhere so I punched her face, and broke her nose
for realz and SHE apologized to ME.

Zerilda : Okay what is your least favourite animal in the zoo, and why?

Sybil : Oh that one is easy - aarmadillos! They give me the creeps -

they remind me of big cockroaches

Zerilda : They serve no useful purpose, do they?!


I couldn't find an armadillo. Pretend that frog is one.

Zerilda : Oh I never thought of that. Now *I* hate them.

Sybil : shudders. They just. creep. me. out

Zerilda : Okay - do you like Bratz?

Sybil : It's my fricking - what is that sh1t superman couldn't handle? Oh - krypton! Bratz make me ill. They all have botox. I would feed them to Madonna.

Madonna was not available for this photo opportunity.

Zerilda : I think Madonna's a veggie, although i would be hard pressed to say Bratz contain any meat. Are you a veggie?

Sybil : NO I loves a nice filet mignon

LOVE DEAD COW

Zerilda : YEAH ! DEAD COW ROCKS!!!! but not raw

Sybil : Oh no, not raw. Nasty

Zerilda : Yup. How about raw potatoes?

Sybil : Raw potatoes? no. Salty!

Zerilda : I like them. But can not eat them without thinking about the person who told me years ago (and was probably full of poo) that you could get worms from it. If that doesn't bring out the naysayers, nothing will.

Sybil : I heard that, too! Is it true?

Zerilda : I have no idea. Let's google it. (i will know for publish-time)

[--> from the snopes.com message board, best I am willing to do at 12:48am:

"The potato itself wouldn't give you worms, but if you ingested any soil that was on the potato you could get worms from that. If an animal infected with worms used the garden as a latrine area, the eggs can remain in the soil and be picked up by humans from eating dirty veggies or by putting a dirty hand in the mouth."]

Zerilda : Okay let's try a music question: have you ever kissed a girl? One that you didn't birth or get birthed by?

Sybil : I have. Well, she kissed me. It was weird. I was dating her cousin. She attacked me. He was passed out. It was crazy. She also kinda stalked me for a while, from NY.

Zerilda : Oh dear. I only ask because that stoooopid song is stuck in my head because sharkgirl plays it all the time. She thinks it's funny. That's what a momma wants - a daughter walking around singing 'i kissed a girl' THAT'S gonna get me grandkids...sigh

Sybil : Hey - they can adopt

Zerilda : True. true. As long as I, some how, some way, get grandkids, I don't give a crap who she hooks up with. Could be spike the party dog.

Sybil : yup. Understood

Zerilda : Wasn't it spike? the oh-so-cute-pit-bull?

Sybil : You mean Spuds Mckenzie?

Zerilda : SPUDS!!! How could i forget Spuds Mckenzie!

Sybil : Are you talking about Tom and Jerry? cause that is Spike

Zerilda : No, I would be worried if she married Spike, because of all the mouse issues. If you could be any cartoon character. From ANY series. What would it be, and what phrase would you always say?

Sybil : hmmm...I would have to say I was told I was like Lucy, from Charlie Brown

Zerilda : niiiiice. And you would say....?

Sybil : I would say "I need a new dress. And better shoes! Whose a bitch gotta cut for some new shoes?!"

Zerilda : Eeeeexcellent. That was fun, thank you!!! I look forward to some STABBERIFIC ADVENTURES! At least one Bratz baby will be sacrificed each time, I hope. Although Sharkgirl was unimpressed when she saw what I'd done, photo or no...

After the concerts, he's going to take up golfing

Well well well. It is the end of an era, again.

Michael Jackson announced today that he is throwing in the towel on 'it' :

"This is it," Jackson said in a brief statement ... "And when I say this is it, I mean this is it."

Please BOB let it be so.

Here he is at the press conference:



But by 'it' he kind of means 'ish', because he might be playing gigs elsewhere in the world. So it's just the people in the Kingdom United by the Queen who he no longer will perform tooapparently, at night, grammar skills are gone to whom he will no longer perform, probably.

If I were a fan, I would be only mildly worried at this possible cessation. Twice I have gotten in a taxi driven by dudes who were such big fans of Michael they were almost wearing military jackets. One drove with a white glove. Fortunately, I wasn't going very far in either case, because neither of them were very good singers. YES. THEY SANG.

Have you ever heard a british taxi driver sing 'Shamone...HEE HEE HEE'? It is very disconcerting.

On Wednesday, Jackson launched a lawsuit against an auction house to stop the scheduled sale of more than 2,000 personal items from Neverland, including platinum and gold records, a customized Harley Davidson and a Rolls Royce limousine.

Really. MJ has a Harley. REALLy. Well that's easy to picture. He is such a Hell's Angel-ish dude. The streets would be so much safer if they alleviated him of that possession. I know *I'd* feel safer.



Apparently, if you own expensive things and used to be the King of Pop (they're now saying it's Justin Timberlake...that's really another post...), you can show up more than an hour late.

You know, when I'm going to be more than about fifteen minutes late, I call.

If I'm going to be more than twenty minutes late, I bring muffins.

If I'm going to be an HOUR late, I say I'm not coming. Then I buy the person a great big chocolate apology cake (that's for Sybil).

WHERE IS THEIR GREAT BIG CHOCOLATE APOLOGY CAKE?

I imagine Michael's not great in the kitchen, so he'd have to go to PTescos.

TO BE CLEAR - I never imagine Michael in his home. I don't need those kind of thoughts in my brain.

This is for Quilly :

I imagine that Michael Jackson's paucity of good sense comes from his post-stardom apanthropinization, which would not have occurred had he stuck with his childhood instrument, the zither.


Michael, playing an early, less scary version of "Thriller"