Sunday, April 26, 2009

heavy objects i have been trapped beneath recently

a reader writes...



"Dearest Zerilda,

ZERILDA!!! i demand to know where you've been! i am sitting here, waiting for you to post. do you not respect *my* time? some blogger YOU are. i RUE the day i discovered your blog. furthermore, the drivel you left me with before you left was completely unacceptable, of a standard unbefitting a neanderthal, and made me a little bit sick on my happy meal. you'd better kick it up a notch, or i am going to stop sitting here.

TAKE NOTE!

Sincerely,
Your loving mother"

i was truly moved by this heart-warming letter, and my only response is, yes, you are right. you *were* sick on your happy meal. that is unfortunate.

but wait! it's not that i don't completely care about all that time spent waiting for me to entertain and/or amuse and/or distract you from your toenail-clipping duties.

it's TRULY that i have been gallivanting. to belfast!

i have had children on my own. for 10 days. which left me realizing how much i do not want them on my own for a longer period of time...

i have been creating! a presentation for a book reading! and that is where our tale of what-the-he11 have you been starts.

you see,

...there i was there i was there i was...

performing.

[and discovering i am NOT the only :
-female
-american
-comedienne
in cardiff!

oh yes...two of us were on the same lineup!]

when my good friend says "you should read your stories at the library..."

and i thought what a heck of an idea! but i'm at borders all the time. i would like to do it there. they OWE me for all those books i bought.

OWE



so i asked them. they were very happy to let me come in. i'll be doing it towards the end of may.

BUT... BUT... BUT...

as much as i like spinning stories for the kiddies...

illustrate...


...i do not



SO! plan b = clay rats! [story the first is about pie rats!]

i absolutely love love love super soft clay



who knew?



it turns out i am not clay-ically inclined, either:



on their own, they suck a bit! boy howdy is it awful!

but as a large GROUP OF RODENTS....



not too dang bad! it's the psychology of vision or something. your eye doesn't pay attention to crappy detail, it looks at the beautiful forest for the trees! unless you think they're still crappy, then that theory really falls flat...

and now, for the pies! i only have a few made. i need to make many Many MANY more -- this week!



i need
- berry pies
- banana pies
- cow pies

thank BOB for play-doh moulds!

and on hand for seasoning...

a gift from mielikki!!!



and these chicks are just waiting to see what i'm going to do with them...





...oh and i forgot to mention, i joined a softball team (home runs! pitching!)

...and got suckered intostarted taking tennis lessons after signing daughter up for same. (wow. after 20 years of not doing it, i really sucked the first session!)

i will endeavor to try-to-try to keep poking my nose into blogland in the meantime... i miss it...
so much...

oh AND my boy is four tomorrow. thank BOB he's a boy. the girl would be *put* *out* knowing i hadn't really prepared for it. . .

who needs sleep, really...?

stay tuned...you will see my gorgeous new shoes. I KNOW!!!

I KNOW!!!

22 comments:

  1. I love celery and I wish my butt was smaller as well as your rodent. I wish I could climb into a port hole and stay there, too.

    I have missed you.

    Tennis....ah...I am thinking about golf lessons...**Thinking** again...the 1st go round was u.g.l.y!

    Glad you are back!

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  2. They heard me say Wales, and thought I said "Whales", so they tried to dress appropriately.
    I love the rats, and pies. But I don't want a rat pie....
    good luck with the tennis thing, maybe you could convince your daughter to take up Golf?

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  3. Well you've certainly been busy. And not, I might add, with celery, it seems.

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  4. About freaking time!!!!
    I seriously LOVE the pie rats and I LOVE the claymation! I think they look really good!!!!!
    That said, you are insane. And you owe me a lengthy email.
    Put *that* on your list of things to do, missy!
    Now I have to go rustle up some vittles.
    That's right - I said rustle AND vittles.

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  5. OM BOB at last you are back. I love the rats. And the chicks. You get to read in Borders all day? And you get to promote your own books? Fab fab fab. Do they have a Starbucks in there? Ours does hehehe.

    Just sayin.

    Tennis? Softball? Ugh - requires physical exertion. Does not compute.
    And there is another female american comedienne in cardiff? How dare she! Kick her out! Or join forces. Whichever.

    Hope the boy has a great day. You're his mum so he will. Wow -four. Oh and 10 days TEN DAYS alone with the kids? In foreign parts?
    Murderous thoughts. Murderous.

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  6. What adorable rats! If they came to my house I wouldn't find it necessary to poison them. Probably.

    I can't wait to hear how the reading goes!

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  7. The rats are awesome! Love the little chicks too.. can't wait to see what you do with them.

    happy birthday boy!! Hope you have a great one!

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  8. oh my how I have missed you. My life just isn't the same....NOT.THE.SAME. but this post brightened my day...by gobs and gobs. You rockt he rodent party! ♥

    You sound terribly busy. I am busy...but not as much as you...now I feel like a slacker.

    okay...maybe this didn't brighten my day so much. I am feeling so......no worthy or your business (busy+ness= business??? who knew?)

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  10. Wow, those rats are wicked young lady. Seriously.

    And give boy a big kiss and cuddle from Jo, Miss E and Miss M. (And give the girl one too. Oh and one for yourself too. Mwah.) Loves ya. x

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  11. Happy Birthday Boy!

    And those rats rock ... really .. love the dino pie too

    Woman you are amazingly talented

    Back from the mini holiday - yes, everyone and everything was miniature ..

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  12. Wow...those rats are fab! For serious, they are! Like, you can even TELL that they are RATS. Amazing!

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  13. Welcome Back! You were missed. I can't wait to see the manager pie. Do you need to borrow a picture from me of mine?

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  14. The rodents are astounding. I worship them as deities.

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  15. OH MYGOSH. You are SO random. And Insane. And I adore you. SO there.

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  16. I LOVE the rats....no wonder you've been MIA (mousing in action)...hahahahah.

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  17. Hi, we love your blog and would like to invite you to list it in our Blog Directory at www.bigblogcollection.com

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  18. I am commenting before I read because I get distracted easily and I know this is not going to go away before I can read it because it has been here for a month.

    A MONTH, Zerilda, dear!

    During that month I took a three credit class. I told you I get distracted. I am just now getting back to the stuff that matters, like remembering who all the bloggers I ignored for a month are and hunting them down.

    So what have you been up to for a month? You are not still in Belfast because Easter is over. (See, I did read some.)

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  19. Hey buddy. How ya doing?
    Just checking in on you. Miss you blogging. And visiting. Pop over when you get time. Stay well. xoxox

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  20. Yay! I have FINALLY found you!! Had fun in Swansea last night. Looking forward to your next blog entry. EW

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Thank you in advance for what will surely make my day.