Project Supertastic
is keeping me busy.
It is just plain magnificent.
But that is another post...
Anyway - let's get on with meeting the third inductee to OH! MY! BOB!
We were chillin' on the piano wondering : whoever would join us next?
The doorbell went. It was the elegant Fireblossom. She is also found here.
So we had a little chat!
Zerilda: sorry - i just got in, had to get myself a cuppa, and then get a biscuit
(sorry, i mean cookie)
Fireblossom: oh, I speak fluent UK
Zerilda: nice! so i could say car park to you!
car park!
and i could say mobile!
and i could say 'i'm going on holiday!'
Fireblossom: you could add a "u" to humour and glamour
Zerilda: and colour!
Fireblossom: I took the liberty of removing all the vowels from Bruce Willis's brain this afternoon
Zerilda: is he much different now?
Fireblossom: he sounds serbian
Zerilda: aaah. so no.
Fireblossom: not a whit
Zerilda: he's newly married, isn't he?
Fireblossom: i understand he married jacko in a private ceremony aboard a garbage scow under the Portuguese flag
Zerilda: wow. i didn't think either of them were Portuguese!
Fireblossom: well, they weren't BORN Portuguese. they had a devil baby which jacko promptly dangled overboard
Zerilda: well, you do one baby...gotta do them all...
Fireblossom: haha
Zerilda: okay so you have three wishes. you can't ask for more wishes. what are your wishes?
Fireblossom: For the television program "Cash Cab" to not merely drop off losing contestants, but to publicly vaporize them on the streets of new York
Zerilda: oh yeah that's a good one
Fireblossom: 2. For Oprah Winfrey to become fully aquatic...
Zerilda: as opposed to partially, which she is now...
Fireblossom: for all football leagues everywhere to be disbanded and replaced by open air shopping bazaars where men are baited and made to do tricks while being led on leashes
Zerilda: aaaaaah. now this i have to take issue with, only because i discovered that football serves the purpose of keeping men out of places i want to go for portions of a weekend.
and rugby.
Fireblossom: well this is true, but involuntary space travel accomplishes the same thing
Zerilda: what about just the jerks?
Fireblossom: yes. jerks only to the blue platform on level 5, please
Zerilda: YEAH! it's just that my son, i have grown accustomed to him... y'know
Fireblossom: oh, sons are exempt. I have one as well
Zerilda: fantastic. are you able to sing a particular song that would maim a person?
Fireblossom: ha! yes....
"Everything is Beautiful"
I can sing it either in trailer trash version or oriental pidgin
it includes the lyric 'there is none so blind as he who cannot see"
soo wise, i think
Zerilda: are you...really....also... trailer trash? or do you just sing it
Fireblossom: goodness no I am elegant. if i hear ee haw misic I begin to sag, and if there is yodeling in it, I become desperately ill within seconds
Zerilda: hee haw - how many people has THAT damaged? why were none of those people punished?
Fireblossom: it's tragic. they all become Toby keith and terrorize their communities
Zerilda: welcome to hell, here's your hee haw dvd. if ever there was a group of people needing to be shipped to their own planet, eh?
Fireblossom: someplace where it is far too cold to possibly play steel guitar
Zerilda: what was the last ritual you performed?
Fireblossom: I turned katie Couric into an invertebrate as part of a solstice celebration!
Zerilda: that is AWETASTIC! was it hard to do?
Fireblossom: no, but she kept screeching. she can no longer do latin dances
Zerilda: what - you mean
katie couric no longer tangos?
Fireblossom: I blame that lady from the weakest link
Zerilda: Anne Robinson
Fireblossom: yes
Zerilda: yeah - i can't decide who i dislike more, her or simon cowell.
Fireblossom: when i was in London, i saw that she was still at large
Zerilda: OH IF THEY HAD KIDS. what would that be like? surely their kid would be the subject of a quest
Fireblossom: they would be lovely.
Everyone knows that stuff skips a generation
Zerilda: true! i didn't think of that
Fireblossom: ;-)
Zerilda: it would be the loveliest kid on the planet! you couldn't get within five feet without being blessed or something!
Fireblossom:
my toaster whispered it to me
Zerilda: oh - bill cosby is it?
Fireblossom: yes Bill Cosby's spirit
Zerilda: did you know that i bought Phylicia Rashad-os at the grocery store today? they are like honey nut cheerios, but not as honey-oriented
Fireblossom: that bitch - she does hang up calls here at all hours. she tells me how many pounds she has lost
Zerilda: okay here's a quick-fire round:
who
Fireblossom: Horton
Zerilda: where
Fireblossom: in the air
Zerilda: what
Fireblossom: a big green truck in the sky
Zerilda: when
Fireblossom: 4pm time for tea
Zerilda: why
Fireblossom: why not?
Zerilda: excellent. okay here's the clue (the board game) version :
who killed who in the where with the what
Fireblossom: oOOOOoo!!!...
Ben Affleck was killed
with a fast moving passenger locomotive
in the study
the killer was....
Calista Flockhart...
driven mad by her marriage to Harrison Ford
Zerilda: wow. who knew calista had human strength? did you get a picture of it?
Fireblossom: I made a rock-umentary of it
Zerilda: sweeeet. okay last q, then i have to go to bed. it's a big'un
your door is, right now, being beaten down by anti-poetry campaigners. you have to grab a makeshift weapon NOW. what object do you grab, or do you just rush into your safe room, hoping they fall into the trap you made earlier?
Fireblossom: that's easy
I start discussing menstruation with my gf and the attackers, all male, disperse in seconds flat
Zerilda: i have really thoroughly enjoyed this, and wish i could do it longer! but 7 am is going to kick my butt in all kinds of new, innovative ways, so i'm taking my reluctant leave now. thank you for this honour!
Posts
Damn. Somebody stole my celery while I was reading this. You took it and stuffed it in Bruce's head, didn't you?
ReplyDeleteThis was a really excellent post! Great, great interview. :)
ReplyDeleteHEEEEEE HAAAAWWWWWWW!
I think that the evil Katie is made of beets. And Celery!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic interview! I think I'll go yodel now!
Did you know celery has a scent/odor/smell?
ReplyDeleteAnd I am so in awe of Fireblossom .. her poetry rocks but I am now totally in love with her ... ask her about the knitting needles she asked I send her
Oh. My. Bob!
ReplyDeleteThat was so deliciously zany! Brava! Brava!
Bubblewench, Katie Couric IS made of 90% beets! Her make-up woman can't stockpile the pancake make-up fast enough. Meanwhile her hair has broken several televisons now that there is HD. So terrifying!
ReplyDeleteZerilda, I had thought that de-celerying Bruce Willis's cerebellum was the high point of my life, but now i see that it was nothing compared to joining the OMB girls! it makes me want to watch Oprah drag THREE yellow barrels to the bottom. Dive! Dive! Dive! We're gonna need a bigger boat!
I cannot believe I somehow missed the news of Jacko and Bruce's wedding. I hope they will be very happy. I thought Bruce was too old for Jacko.
ReplyDeletesigh. I was tortured by Hee Haw in my youth. Am I due reparations.
ReplyDeleteOh most wise Zerilda, who is this Elegant fire person and why am I not her best friend?
ReplyDeleteI am Portuguese and am highly offended. We don't want Jacko or Bruce Willis. Let's give them to Germany or something.
ReplyDeleteI too did not know about Bruce and Whacko. Also about the angelic love child. So... two wrongs do make a right eh?
ReplyDeleteFandoobytastic interview and totally zany as ever.
Being featured thus has turned my squalid, meaningless existence into a fairy tale wonderland!
ReplyDeleteZerilda, have you heard that George Carlin sent me a message for Fireblossom in the ESC key of my keyboard?
ReplyDelete"There is too much shenanigans going on between you and Bill Cosby in your toaster. I see pork chops in my toast and I haven't even taken any psychotropic drugs. This is not only inelegant, but pork chops are not kosher, and should be outlawed by Jesus. I forgot to unplug it before cramming a knife in there to dislodge my toast and received electroshock therapy. This is not only inelegant but open for much controversy of Federal court proportions."
I was pretty pleased to find this site. I wanted
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