But Facebook stole some time from me yesterday. Facebook - specifically a dude I did not want to talk to - kept me up. Let's ignore for a moment that I could have said "dude, stop bothering me, I have crap to do!" or "dude, stop bothering me, it's 1 am and I'm NOT up to talk to you!" I'm saying it now, in retrospect.
BUT! NEVERMIND THAT! I have another Pocket-blogger induction.
This week, I am inducting
a very CRANKYPANTSISH woman
Zerilda : Okay, first question, um, who is the most deserving of a smacking, IYHO among the following : Tom Cruise, Madonna, Jacko, and um...Simon Cowell?
Sybil : Oh shit I hate to choose. Simon is the least deserving... they should all get a nice group smacking. With both hands.
Zerilda : NIIICe. Okay next question. What is your preferred method of punishment: rhubarb, rusty knife, golf club, or sharp ice cube?
Sybil : Rusty knife, for sure
I like to get dirty.
Zerilda : Yeah, I get that...
Sybil : Golf club is nice, too
Zerilda : Have you ever punched anyone in real life
Sybil : Yes
Zerilda : What was their crime? Were you impeding her way to the cous cous, or was she just ape-sh1t nuts?
Sybil : She attacked me out of nowhere so I punched her face, and broke her nose
for realz and SHE apologized to ME.
Zerilda : Okay what is your least favourite animal in the zoo, and why?
Sybil : Oh that one is easy - aarmadillos! They give me the creeps -
they remind me of big cockroaches
Zerilda : They serve no useful purpose, do they?!
Zerilda : Oh I never thought of that. Now *I* hate them.
Sybil : shudders. They just. creep. me. out
Zerilda : Okay - do you like Bratz?
Sybil : It's my fricking - what is that sh1t superman couldn't handle? Oh - krypton! Bratz make me ill. They all have botox. I would feed them to Madonna.
Madonna was not available for this photo opportunity.
Zerilda : I think Madonna's a veggie, although i would be hard pressed to say Bratz contain any meat. Are you a veggie?
Sybil : NO I loves a nice filet mignon
LOVE DEAD COW
Zerilda : YEAH ! DEAD COW ROCKS!!!! but not raw
Sybil : Oh no, not raw. Nasty
Zerilda : Yup. How about raw potatoes?
Sybil : Raw potatoes? no. Salty!
Zerilda : I like them. But can not eat them without thinking about the person who told me years ago (and was probably full of poo) that you could get worms from it. If that doesn't bring out the naysayers, nothing will.
Sybil : I heard that, too! Is it true?
Zerilda : I have no idea. Let's google it. (i will know for publish-time)
[--> from the snopes.com message board, best I am willing to do at 12:48am:
"The potato itself wouldn't give you worms, but if you ingested any soil that was on the potato you could get worms from that. If an animal infected with worms used the garden as a latrine area, the eggs can remain in the soil and be picked up by humans from eating dirty veggies or by putting a dirty hand in the mouth."]
Zerilda : Okay let's try a music question: have you ever kissed a girl? One that you didn't birth or get birthed by?
Sybil : I have. Well, she kissed me. It was weird. I was dating her cousin. She attacked me. He was passed out. It was crazy. She also kinda stalked me for a while, from NY.
Zerilda : Oh dear. I only ask because that stoooopid song is stuck in my head because sharkgirl plays it all the time. She thinks it's funny. That's what a momma wants - a daughter walking around singing 'i kissed a girl' THAT'S gonna get me grandkids...sigh
Sybil : Hey - they can adopt
Zerilda : True. true. As long as I, some how, some way, get grandkids, I don't give a crap who she hooks up with. Could be spike the party dog.
Sybil : yup. Understood
Zerilda : Wasn't it spike? the oh-so-cute-pit-bull?
Sybil : You mean Spuds Mckenzie?
Zerilda : SPUDS!!! How could i forget Spuds Mckenzie!
Sybil : Are you talking about Tom and Jerry? cause that is Spike
Zerilda : No, I would be worried if she married Spike, because of all the mouse issues. If you could be any cartoon character. From ANY series. What would it be, and what phrase would you always say?
Sybil : hmmm...I would have to say I was told I was like Lucy, from Charlie Brown
Zerilda : niiiiice. And you would say....?
Sybil : I would say "I need a new dress. And better shoes! Whose a bitch gotta cut for some new shoes?!"
Zerilda : Eeeeexcellent. That was fun, thank you!!! I look forward to some STABBERIFIC ADVENTURES! At least one Bratz baby will be sacrificed each time, I hope. Although Sharkgirl was unimpressed when she saw what I'd done, photo or no...
Posts
I <3 celery.
ReplyDeleteI, too, heard the worms from potatoes theory...weird!
I was not on FB last night so I know it was not me that was keeping you from your *important* things!! Now, today....? maybe!!
Celery rocks!
YUM
Excellent interview. Very informative. I was also told the raw potato/worm fallacy.
ReplyDeleteNow I must go buy Sybil a bratz doll..... just to watch the meltdown
You know, all those little old ladies who thing boys should play with trucks and girls should play with dolls, really need to get a load of your doll playing. They'd likely get you a nice Matchbox car -- but if I know you, you'll hold out for the Tonka truck so you can run over something!
ReplyDeleteSharkgirl was unimpressed??!!?
ReplyDeleteBrilliant interview. No celery in sight but armadilloes and worms? YUK!!
Glad the Bratz got it. Hate bratz. *KAPOW!!!*
(I'm with Quilly. Go get you a Tonka truck! I mean get Monkeyboy a Tonka truck of course...)
have never heard the worms from taters thing and I'm Irish! I eat raw ones, not so much though... My cat on the other hand, loves him some raw taters!
ReplyDeleteYou do the best intereviews EVER!
Everyone knows you can only get worms from touching Madonna. They come out of her mouth when she kisses you, for show, just like Katie Perry. (It only counts as kissing a girl if there are no men around to spontaneously burst into flame at the sight of it. It only counts as kissing a girl if you don't have keg beer sloshing out of your ear lobes.)
ReplyDeleteInstead of making this violent, troubling post, you could have been helping Madonna scoop up African children by helicopter, with a giant net. They could have been housed at Oprah's academy, like so many raw potatoes, until it was time for my toaster to take a bride and give you "grandchildren."
Stop mainlining hand creme. This has to stop.
Haha - I actually meant that armadillos were my kryptonite, but Bratz work, too. :D
ReplyDeleteAnd I thinks someone has edited this fo sho. I seem to remember many unpublished chats... I guess those come with the unedited and raw version?!!
Heehee, can't wait for my turn :D
ReplyDeleteI so would've gone for the rhubarb. The leaves are poisonous, you know. I'm all about the element of surprise, yo.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud today. Either you're super funny or I am reaaaaallly tired.
Probably both.
WOW Fireblossom totally stole my comment
ReplyDeleteThe Bratz girls had babies? Well, it's no surprize here that they got knocked-up dressing like slutz...
ReplyDeletedid I say that?
I had NO idea that Sybil was as violent as Dooze. Goodness. What if you got them together?
oh man.....I am such a bratz hater.......argh.....I'd kick her ass too!
ReplyDeleteI definately need to play golf with Sybil !!!!
ReplyDelete