I was, em, attending a performance of a well-loved local comic. And I needed the week to prepare for, em, watching her. She was funny. I am now in the thick of writing a whole pile of material for her. Hopefully she'll decide to use it. "PAY ME, BEOTCH!" is what I will say to her. But, you know, in a nice way. :)
ENOUGH OF THAT!
So imagine my delight when I came across this today:
Just when I thought I *wouldn't* find the appropriate way to BEGIN my career with chickens!
But that wasn't my only find. I had innovative food product requirements. And at Ptesco, my needs were satisfied thusly:
YES!
Finally! My mouse-based food needs will be met.
And it just wreaks of wholesome family goodness! One bite of this and my kids will want to be nerdily good until they are well out of high school!
But it gave me an idea. If we could eat a mouse, surely we could eat other celebrities. And I am hereby going to start a series of
Celebrity Luncheon Meats.
INSTALLMENT NUMBER ONE : PARIS HILTON CHICKEN
It is every bit as tasty and needy as the real life version. And RICH! You never tasted such rich chicken.
It is low fat, but if you take it to other countries, it will try to get other meats to be friends with it, by making the other meats perform humiliating activities for the paris-hilton-chicken's amusement.
And it leaves you feeling strangely unfulfilled. Also, if you eat it very long, say, more than 30 seconds, you find yourself dumbening down a bit. OH FRIG! I'VE EATEN TOO MUCH!!!
I'm afraid the tale of retribution will have to wait a week, while I have my stomach pumped. It is back to the drawing board.
Posts
I seriously think Paris Hilton would be more of a gizzard. Or, maybe, chicken wings. Not much meat, messy, but somehow, you eat it, anyway.
ReplyDeleteParis Hilton Chicken scares me, based on the special sauce you'd need to slather it in before it became edible.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, have I said too much?
Tell that famous comedienne that I am looking forward to her Friday Mieography...
Oh, I ate some of that Paris Hilton chicken lunch meat and it gave me a foul rash and I got diarrhea so bad it was poultry in action.
ReplyDeleteWhile you were gone my computer bit the big one and went to computer heaven. Do you know what that means? That means I no longer have that lovely attachment you sent me -- and for some reason I don't have your blasted email address, either. Which is strange because my email is net based.
ReplyDeleteSo, slap the snot out of that comic for keeping you incommunicado, and send me what's I need to keep my promise! Please -- or I'm sending you a ton of celery!
Hey Zerilda! Your witching hours are getting earlier!
ReplyDeleteThat mouse stuff doesn't look too nutritious either. Maybe it is lower fat than the chicken hilton thingummy one.
Tell that comic to pay you. She cannot use your stuff and not pay you! And she uses up far too much of your time!
I think Ptaris hilton chicken will taste better with loads of celery....
*ducks*
Hold on a moment there........
ReplyDeleteYour posting says early evening. I forgot you were on Zarilda Zork time. That would be... oh about nearly 2am my time. So... your witching hours are normal.
*sigh of relief*
I think you need to open your own store showcasing all of your incredible ideas / products. For instance, the Paris Hilton Chicken would be great for a meeting with inlaws.
ReplyDelete"What? ... ohhh , errr, he heeee ummmm yep"
Then, when arriving home, right back to normal for blogging !!!!
Ohhh JOY :-)
When you are finished, will you send me the "Geting Started with Chickens" guide? I have a feeling that will be a good one ... and right up my old bowling alley :-)
I shall immediately renounce Sally Field cotto salami, which maintains its unpleasant shape no matter how hard one gnaws at it.
ReplyDeleteThis is to say nothing of Katie Couric ham-and-cheese loaf.
But all of this pales compared with Amy Winehouse pickle loaf. So many tatoos on every slice. The briney flavor you expect. If left on the shelf for too long, starts to look like hell and give off an odor which causes those nearby to snort mustard and want to date imbeciles. And it's a part of the Paris Hilton line of deli meats--"famous for being famous!"
Ptomcruise! This is not a joke! You will be caught by the copyWright police .. you cannot use Paris' face w/o express - not local - written - not verbal,permission tho I dont think she speaks unless spoken to or maybe only when she can get SAG to pay her for under 3 (NO I am not explaining that) .. be afraid .. Kathy Hilton will be knocking on your door Zerilda .. any day now ..
ReplyDeleteNo shit.. or yeah shit.. wth Mouse sausage? That just looks so wrong... don't even get me started on your 'low fat' chicken.. I have a thing for poultry and well, you're ruining it. hee..hee..
ReplyDeleteI'm sooo so sorry I haven't been around. My Reader hasn't been showing me when you update so I didn't know there were new posts. I'm going to try putting it in again and if that doesn't work I'll try poking it with a sharp stick.
ReplyDeleteoh girl how I miss you when you are mysteriously gone.
ReplyDeleteyour paris hilton chicken is killing me. LOL